Minding My Own Business

The past three months have been a learning curve of note! As you know, I have focused my energy on launching a self-sustaining, income-generating, recycling sewing group that fabricate Rag dolls. (You can learn more on this project at www.ragdollinitiative.blogspot.com) This baby is now up and running and is providing me with an incredible amount of joy and, more importantly, have taught me to mind my own business. To expand I would like to tell one of my typical stories.

Many years ago, people started to differentiate between groups by attaching a surname to their first names. I stand to be corrected, but I believe this started during tribal times in ancient Israel where people's professions were responsible for their 'group' names. For instance; the Cohens were medicine men and the Schumakers were shoe makers. Mark Shuttleworth took to space like a duck takes to water.

For a long time I have wondered about the origin of my own surname and one search indicated that the root of Rheeders lies in Germany's Van Den Rheede; meaning ship owner. This is so cool, I thought. Perhaps there is a ship out there with my name on it and maybe it will find its way into a harbour someday. The sceptic in me always pulled me back to reality and to the possibility of it having sunk and lying on the ocean floor; forgotten and rusting away.

Another possibility has been squatting in the back of my mind for years. I remember, as a young child, people referring to my father as Mister Readers. Unless I spell my surname to someone, they always end up writing Readers and this has kept the squatter fat and healthy. So ... maybe I am truly a reader. This leads me to investigate the many topics or things that can be read; books, people, signals, maps, weather etc.

If this is so, then I should be a professional ship owner that reads all day. Wouldn't that be cool? If our surnames indicate our professions, then what should/could we do differently? I don't know but I'd like to know if you also wonder about such things.

Busy Bee

So many people 'accuse' me of always being busy. I know it is not an insult and I also know that none of them intend it to be criticism. But... somehow, I feel guilty when I don't always have spare time to sit and chat about daily events. I am sure that Doctor Phil will have some insight as to why I constantly need to be constructive - and he will probably be spot on. Be that as it may...

I started a new project. That's right - you saw it in black and white. This time it is a whole new ballgame. You may not have known this about be - I like to make things. Anything really! I particularly enjoy little objects made from unusual material. This particular project came from having identified a need amongst a group of women in a township near me. These women take care of children infected/affected by HIV/AIDS and they need to generate an income. They have tried just about everything to make ends meet and have come up empty handed. So, late one night, after brain-storming with my sister, I started making Tsepo.

The idea is to teach the skill of sewing a rag doll to someone who cares for a child - also know as a caregiver. She then creates this little person in the image of her child/foster child, dresses it up in clothing that reflects the actual child and decorates its little face with a familiar expression. Automatically she becomes aware of the state that the child is in. In her own mind and in her own way she can decide whether the next doll she makes will be happier/prettier. Together with the sewing skills, we will teach them all sorts of life skills. I have put together a blog to explain the whole process. So check it out on www.ragdollinitiative.blogspot.com and please let me know if you want to get involved.

The rest of my life is doing its own thing. At times I feel as if I am in charge and steering the boat towards the horizon of my desires. Other times I feel as if it really has nothing to do with me and I am the passenger; clinging to the seat belt with both hands. Am I the only one that feels like this?

January Jinx

This early in the year, before the new dairy becomes noiseless, I frequently slip up and this year is no different. Yesterday I woke up with a nagging feeling. A feeling that constantly chipped away at my (generally serene) consciousness, suggesting that I forgot to make a note in my dairy. It was about a promise made to somebody and the delivery date was Monday January 11th. Every time I grasped it, it slipped away. What a frustration!!

I do not do frustration very well and will do almost anything to avoid this feeling. So, what I did instead was to collect all the objects in my house that didn't belong to me. Stuff that had to be returned to their original owners. I am sure that a lot of my possessions were left behind after a visit over the Xmas period. I set out to return these and during one of these trips, a visitor arrived at my home. This was obviously the missing link.

Now I sit with a compounded problem. I don't know who this mystery visitor was. All I know is that a book of mine was returned. The title of the book is Married to a Bedouin. Perhaps a promise was made and delivered and that should be the end of that. On the other hand, perhaps not.

If you were that mystery guest, please forgive me.

I'm back!!

To follow is a summary of my January newsletter.

Thank goodness the ‘festive’ season is behind me!! I have found very little to be festive about in the past month. As a matter of fact, I have worked myself to the bone. Everyday I would weigh up my choices - to sit around and relax with friends and family or to get my house in order. The calendar’s New Year has always been a good time for me to transform my external environment while my personal New Year (birthday) has been the time to do so internally. In my case it happens to be almost 6 months apart, which means that I at least get a break during the months in between.

While observing the world, from the top of my stepladder and covered in paint, I realized a few things. The most important one was that the right time is now!! Perhaps I should first mention that I have never been big on New Years Resolutions – before end January they are already history and definitely not because of a lack of willpower. My strength of will has pulled me through some scary moments and my determination is alive and well when it matters.

Let me get back to my point – or was that my perch? Most of us wait for the right time, the right person and/or the right situation before we risk getting ‘our hands dirty’. Naturally, when we then find ourselves in a situation that feels right, we immediately assume that the time as well as the person is right. Big mistake!!! Time is never right and can therefore never be wrong. Situations have at least 32 different angles and I bet you that 16 of these will feel right while the balance will feel very wrong. People’s rightness cannot be measure by anybody else but themselves. What a dilemma!!!!

My little pearl of wisdom today simply suggests that when you are ready (ready sounds better than right), the opportunity will present itself in the form of a situation and/or a person that will assist you in your process. It is not a cliché by accident (did you know a cliché is a hackneyed phrase?). You probably wonder if I have smoked my socks while on the stepladder – Duh, you think, its sooo obvious. I don’t think it is as apparent. My realization would have felt very different if it was: the time is right now or perhaps: the time is now right. The deduction that I have made is that the moment must be seized, the opportunity created and the action must be taken. Try it for yourself by tackling a task that has been staring you in the eye; an unpleasant task that you have avoided. For me it was painting and it was liberating!

The result of all this is that I am seizing my moment this year by putting myself out there as a Travelling Companion. It so happens that my sister and I have shared this dream to travel while caring for others. The manner in which we demonstrate this caring varies – she is much more hands on and me more mindful – and together we form a strong support system. The idea is to find a group (at least more than one person) that wish to explore and/or expand themselves while being assisted, protected, nurtured and cared for, by the two of us. We have started the process by putting together a blog (http://www.travelcarepair.blogspot.com).

I will therefore have to be more organized with my time and far more structured in my approach to my other, ‘real’ work. Exactly how I will manage both is uncertain at this stage. However, I can promise you that the classes will continue, the readings will never stop, the endless cups of coffee and chats will be ongoing until the day I expire.

Living in the Now

I started reading a book yesterday that inspired me; not it’s contents but rather the enthusiasm of the author to write the story. It brought back the feelings I felt when my first book was merely a set of workshop notes. There were not enough hours in a day, nor were my fingers fast enough to keep up with the torrent of unwritten words, scrambling to find their places on the pages. I remember the sleepless nights of vocabulary nightmare; doubting my linguistic skills, and the heart wrenching debates on selecting the appropriate word; simultaneously eliminating the less suitable relative. The thrill of stressing about deadlines, front cover designs, font choices, diagram placements, accuracy of content, and finally, holding the finished manuscript in my hand. I was hooked and couldn’t wait to get the next book captured on paper. Four books and more years than I care to mention later, I can feel the desire to write settling into my being. What a great feeling to have passion running through my veins once again!

I imagine that you need to double check whether I really said ... The thrill of stressing..... Yes, I did. I have always operated at my best when I am under pressure and unlike the stress that commuters experience on their way to work every day, mine is frequently self induced. I recall an internal debate concerning the given deadline soon after I was commissioned to write my first book. In my mind I had to shorten the quantity of time sufficiently to ensure the quality of the content. I still do this with major and minor tasks alike. I constantly remind myself that my days on this planet are numbered – a figure totally unknown to me off course – ensuring that I do my best in the moment and don’t bargain on the opportunity to repeat the exercise. One of my many philosophies is that Life is NOT a rehearsal. Needless to say, the result of this particular philosophy precipitates into my character as a sense of urgency; always busy and needing to take care of matters as they arise.

I may as well confess at this stage, that the main driving force behind my urgency to get the first book on Kabalah published within a certain time frame was rebelliousness. You see, according to ancient law, in order to study the Kabalah, one had to be Jewish, over 40, male and married. At that stage I was a 39 year old, non Jewish, single female. And the clock was ticking, bringing my 40th birthday, proposed marriage to a Jew and inevitable conversion closer and closer (rest assured – I didn’t consider a gender reassignment). Perhaps the urgency was due to a previous incarnation, a time when I was free to study any and every system that shed light on my existence (probably Jewish male, married and over 40). Or perhaps this past life is now allowing me to tap into the cosmic consciousness to access the ancient wisdom of the Kabalah. It doesn’t really matter though – it is what it is.

AGE - The Great Equaliser

It was my Dad's 86th birthday on Sunday and the family gathered round - some very old folk and some very young kids. The old folk were, quite amazingly, more occupied with their cellular phones than the youngsters and although they may have been a little slower, they certainly didn't lack enthusiasm with every feature on their phones.

Looking into my father's face, it dawned on me that he is an old man. You probably wonder whether I am a little slow in this realisation, especially considering that I see him almost weekly, but I have always viewed him through the eyes of my own inner-child. The child that knew, without a doubt, that being cold, scared and thirsty at night was just temporary because Dad will soon be here to fix it all. The sound of footsteps late at night brings feelings of security and safety to my heart while for others, it often brings fear of uncertainty. My dad was a large, attractive, good-looking, powerful, kind and caring man.

It got me thinking . . . When I look into the mirror, I don't see myself through the eyes of a child. Like most of us, I view myself through the looking glass of criticism and judgement; noticing the wrongs instead of the rights. When I was young and the world was black and white, it was so easy to make a separation between pretty and ugly. These two words arranged themselves on opposite points of a scale or ruler starting with pretty, followed by not-so-pretty and not-too-ugly and ending with ugly. Fat and thin are another two words that play this tug-of-war game with chubby and curvaceous as a rope. Cute is probably the most frequently used word to indicate the turning point where pretty and ugly meet and where fat and thin compromise.

With the passing of Time, my world has become less black and white, with grey increasing at an alarming rate. Be warned . . . when you cross the bridge of age, you will find yourself where I am now: where pretty is not so pretty anymore and fat is a perspective rather than a number on a scale. Ugly suddenly becomes an attitude and thin is more associated with skin that anything else. The Great Equaliser is at work and doing a darn good job of it!!

My Dad is still large - now more so in the heart than the body; he is still attractive - especially to cats, dogs, birds and lizards; he is the best-looking man on earth, powerful, kind and caring to so many more. His reach has increased at a phenomenal rate and he still makes me feel safe and secure. That, I know, without a doubt!!!

See for yourself. Depicted in the picture on the left is my dad in a Blessing that I built for him for his 86th birthday.

How Did I Get Here?

Do you ever take the time to Stop, Look and Listen to what is happening around you? I frequently do. And then I ask myself - How Did I Get Here? Now, I know it sounds silly, but the truth is that most of us are on 'auto pilot' most of the time, doing most of the things without awareness. Most of us are guided through life by our guts, necessitating my need to explore this phenomenon.

As you know by now, I am first and foremost a Kabalist, filtering all my experiences through this magnificent, dynamic and awesome system. According to the Tree of Life, our gut feel, originates in Yesod - sphere number 9, meaning Foundation - from where it reminds us of past events. The area that this represents in our bodies would include all the mucus membranes - all your 'wet parts'. Your gut, more specifically, would be your intestines - also part of the 'wet body' - where your food from yesterday is being processed.

If, let's say for instance, that you have eaten sardines yesterday and today you have an uneasiness in your gut, it would be a wise move to decline the offer of sardines for lunch today. A faultless means of Yesod communicating with Malchuth, your physical body, to stay clear of that particular meal. Within your being, you have now started a web of connections that would link sardines (its smell, taste, texture etc) to an uneasy tummy. Soon you would be of the opinion that sardines don't do it for you and, you would avoid restaurants that specialize in this dish, shortening the list of social gathering venues. Perhaps you would even extend the possibility that all fish dishes should be including in this exclusive net of opinions. Most certainly a good move if it were true, considering that sardines are frequently served with onions. Are you getting IT?

A parallel can be drawn between sardines and any and every experience. Yesod's job is to gather information from the external world, sorting through it all and holding on to the pieces that you need to justify your life. If it is an uneasy tummy you want (weird idea), then an uneasy tummy is what you will get, whether it is the sardines or the onions. How crazy is that?! The parallel would be that if it is unhappiness that you require, then it will not make any difference who you find yourself with, you will be unhappy. I personally choose to know and understand my own little webs of deception that I have woven over the years on this planet.

I invite you to start exploring your inner web!! How cool does that sound!! Let us explore our INNERNET on the INTERNET. Tell your friends about this blog and let us get talking. Until next time, take care of yourself.