I started reading a book yesterday that inspired me; not it’s contents but rather the enthusiasm of the author to write the story. It brought back the feelings I felt when my first book was merely a set of workshop notes. There were not enough hours in a day, nor were my fingers fast enough to keep up with the torrent of unwritten words, scrambling to find their places on the pages. I remember the sleepless nights of vocabulary nightmare; doubting my linguistic skills, and the heart wrenching debates on selecting the appropriate word; simultaneously eliminating the less suitable relative. The thrill of stressing about deadlines, front cover designs, font choices, diagram placements, accuracy of content, and finally, holding the finished manuscript in my hand. I was hooked and couldn’t wait to get the next book captured on paper. Four books and more years than I care to mention later, I can feel the desire to write settling into my being. What a great feeling to have passion running through my veins once again!
I imagine that you need to double check whether I really said ... The thrill of stressing..... Yes, I did. I have always operated at my best when I am under pressure and unlike the stress that commuters experience on their way to work every day, mine is frequently self induced. I recall an internal debate concerning the given deadline soon after I was commissioned to write my first book. In my mind I had to shorten the quantity of time sufficiently to ensure the quality of the content. I still do this with major and minor tasks alike. I constantly remind myself that my days on this planet are numbered – a figure totally unknown to me off course – ensuring that I do my best in the moment and don’t bargain on the opportunity to repeat the exercise. One of my many philosophies is that Life is NOT a rehearsal. Needless to say, the result of this particular philosophy precipitates into my character as a sense of urgency; always busy and needing to take care of matters as they arise.
I may as well confess at this stage, that the main driving force behind my urgency to get the first book on Kabalah published within a certain time frame was rebelliousness. You see, according to ancient law, in order to study the Kabalah, one had to be Jewish, over 40, male and married. At that stage I was a 39 year old, non Jewish, single female. And the clock was ticking, bringing my 40th birthday, proposed marriage to a Jew and inevitable conversion closer and closer (rest assured – I didn’t consider a gender reassignment). Perhaps the urgency was due to a previous incarnation, a time when I was free to study any and every system that shed light on my existence (probably Jewish male, married and over 40). Or perhaps this past life is now allowing me to tap into the cosmic consciousness to access the ancient wisdom of the Kabalah. It doesn’t really matter though – it is what it is.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
AGE - The Great Equaliser
It was my Dad's 86th birthday on Sunday and the family gathered round - some very old folk and some very young kids. The old folk were, quite amazingly, more occupied with their cellular phones than the youngsters and although they may have been a little slower, they certainly didn't lack enthusiasm with every feature on their phones.
Looking into my father's face, it dawned on me that he is an old man. You probably wonder whether I am a little slow in this realisation, especially considering that I see him almost weekly, but I have always viewed him through the eyes of my own inner-child. The child that knew, without a doubt, that being cold, scared and thirsty at night was just temporary because Dad will soon be here to fix it all. The sound of footsteps late at night brings feelings of security and safety to my heart while for others, it often brings fear of uncertainty. My dad was a large, attractive, good-looking, powerful, kind and caring man.
It got me thinking . . . When I look into the mirror, I don't see myself through the eyes of a child. Like most of us, I view myself through the looking glass of criticism and judgement; noticing the wrongs instead of the rights. When I was young and the world was black and white, it was so easy to make a separation between pretty and ugly. These two words arranged themselves on opposite points of a scale or ruler starting with pretty, followed by not-so-pretty and not-too-ugly and ending with ugly. Fat and thin are another two words that play this tug-of-war game with chubby and curvaceous as a rope. Cute is probably the most frequently used word to indicate the turning point where pretty and ugly meet and where fat and thin compromise.
With the passing of Time, my world has become less black and white, with grey increasing at an alarming rate. Be warned . . . when you cross the bridge of age, you will find yourself where I am now: where pretty is not so pretty anymore and fat is a perspective rather than a number on a scale. Ugly suddenly becomes an attitude and thin is more associated with skin that anything else. The Great Equaliser is at work and doing a darn good job of it!!
My Dad is still large - now more so in the heart than the body; he is still attractive - especially to cats, dogs, birds and lizards; he is the best-looking man on earth, powerful, kind and caring to so many more. His reach has increased at a phenomenal rate and he still makes me feel safe and secure. That, I know, without a doubt!!!
See for yourself. Depicted in the picture on the left is my dad in a Blessing that I built for him for his 86th birthday.
Looking into my father's face, it dawned on me that he is an old man. You probably wonder whether I am a little slow in this realisation, especially considering that I see him almost weekly, but I have always viewed him through the eyes of my own inner-child. The child that knew, without a doubt, that being cold, scared and thirsty at night was just temporary because Dad will soon be here to fix it all. The sound of footsteps late at night brings feelings of security and safety to my heart while for others, it often brings fear of uncertainty. My dad was a large, attractive, good-looking, powerful, kind and caring man.
It got me thinking . . . When I look into the mirror, I don't see myself through the eyes of a child. Like most of us, I view myself through the looking glass of criticism and judgement; noticing the wrongs instead of the rights. When I was young and the world was black and white, it was so easy to make a separation between pretty and ugly. These two words arranged themselves on opposite points of a scale or ruler starting with pretty, followed by not-so-pretty and not-too-ugly and ending with ugly. Fat and thin are another two words that play this tug-of-war game with chubby and curvaceous as a rope. Cute is probably the most frequently used word to indicate the turning point where pretty and ugly meet and where fat and thin compromise.
With the passing of Time, my world has become less black and white, with grey increasing at an alarming rate. Be warned . . . when you cross the bridge of age, you will find yourself where I am now: where pretty is not so pretty anymore and fat is a perspective rather than a number on a scale. Ugly suddenly becomes an attitude and thin is more associated with skin that anything else. The Great Equaliser is at work and doing a darn good job of it!!
My Dad is still large - now more so in the heart than the body; he is still attractive - especially to cats, dogs, birds and lizards; he is the best-looking man on earth, powerful, kind and caring to so many more. His reach has increased at a phenomenal rate and he still makes me feel safe and secure. That, I know, without a doubt!!!See for yourself. Depicted in the picture on the left is my dad in a Blessing that I built for him for his 86th birthday.
Monday, October 12, 2009
How Did I Get Here?
Do you ever take the time to Stop, Look and Listen to what is happening around you? I frequently do. And then I ask myself - How Did I Get Here? Now, I know it sounds silly, but the truth is that most of us are on 'auto pilot' most of the time, doing most of the things without awareness. Most of us are guided through life by our guts, necessitating my need to explore this phenomenon.
As you know by now, I am first and foremost a Kabalist, filtering all my experiences through this magnificent, dynamic and awesome system. According to the Tree of Life, our gut feel, originates in Yesod - sphere number 9, meaning Foundation - from where it reminds us of past events. The area that this represents in our bodies would include all the mucus membranes - all your 'wet parts'. Your gut, more specifically, would be your intestines - also part of the 'wet body' - where your food from yesterday is being processed.
If, let's say for instance, that you have eaten sardines yesterday and today you have an uneasiness in your gut, it would be a wise move to decline the offer of sardines for lunch today. A faultless means of Yesod communicating with Malchuth, your physical body, to stay clear of that particular meal. Within your being, you have now started a web of connections that would link sardines (its smell, taste, texture etc) to an uneasy tummy. Soon you would be of the opinion that sardines don't do it for you and, you would avoid restaurants that specialize in this dish, shortening the list of social gathering venues. Perhaps you would even extend the possibility that all fish dishes should be including in this exclusive net of opinions. Most certainly a good move if it were true, considering that sardines are frequently served with onions. Are you getting IT?
A parallel can be drawn between sardines and any and every experience. Yesod's job is to gather information from the external world, sorting through it all and holding on to the pieces that you need to justify your life. If it is an uneasy tummy you want (weird idea), then an uneasy tummy is what you will get, whether it is the sardines or the onions. How crazy is that?! The parallel would be that if it is unhappiness that you require, then it will not make any difference who you find yourself with, you will be unhappy. I personally choose to know and understand my own little webs of deception that I have woven over the years on this planet.
I invite you to start exploring your inner web!! How cool does that sound!! Let us explore our INNERNET on the INTERNET. Tell your friends about this blog and let us get talking. Until next time, take care of yourself.
As you know by now, I am first and foremost a Kabalist, filtering all my experiences through this magnificent, dynamic and awesome system. According to the Tree of Life, our gut feel, originates in Yesod - sphere number 9, meaning Foundation - from where it reminds us of past events. The area that this represents in our bodies would include all the mucus membranes - all your 'wet parts'. Your gut, more specifically, would be your intestines - also part of the 'wet body' - where your food from yesterday is being processed.
If, let's say for instance, that you have eaten sardines yesterday and today you have an uneasiness in your gut, it would be a wise move to decline the offer of sardines for lunch today. A faultless means of Yesod communicating with Malchuth, your physical body, to stay clear of that particular meal. Within your being, you have now started a web of connections that would link sardines (its smell, taste, texture etc) to an uneasy tummy. Soon you would be of the opinion that sardines don't do it for you and, you would avoid restaurants that specialize in this dish, shortening the list of social gathering venues. Perhaps you would even extend the possibility that all fish dishes should be including in this exclusive net of opinions. Most certainly a good move if it were true, considering that sardines are frequently served with onions. Are you getting IT?
A parallel can be drawn between sardines and any and every experience. Yesod's job is to gather information from the external world, sorting through it all and holding on to the pieces that you need to justify your life. If it is an uneasy tummy you want (weird idea), then an uneasy tummy is what you will get, whether it is the sardines or the onions. How crazy is that?! The parallel would be that if it is unhappiness that you require, then it will not make any difference who you find yourself with, you will be unhappy. I personally choose to know and understand my own little webs of deception that I have woven over the years on this planet.
I invite you to start exploring your inner web!! How cool does that sound!! Let us explore our INNERNET on the INTERNET. Tell your friends about this blog and let us get talking. Until next time, take care of yourself.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Oy Vey!!
Yesterday, being the 1st of October, I sent my monthly Newsletter to my mailing list, with a link to this blog and ..... I made a spelling error!!!! So, if you managed to get to this blog via my email, then congratulations to you. You are obviously a number of steps ahead of me but .... beware, I'll catch up sooner or later.
The repetitive issue that kept popping up during the last two weeks - and perhaps in my mishap as well - is the role of co-incidences in all our lives. Firstly, I don't believe in accidents. It takes incredible planning, co-ordinating, strategising, synchronising, and all other procedures to ensure that a minimum of two objects/people/incidents meet at the same place and time. I mean, let's be totally analytical about this. Co-incidence literally means that two incidents coincide. Check it out on http://www.wikipedia.org/ and decide for yourself. In our local lingo Afrikaans, it is called toevallig and when you break this word up it suggests toe (then) val (fell) lig (light). Need I say more??
I have noticed in my life - and more clearly so in the lives of those around me - that when any two incidents happen simultaneously, they are connected. The manner in which I apply this in practical terms is to take careful note of the common denominator in both occurrences and then to connect these dots. Generally both of these have me as the common denominator and with one of them being obvious, the other is normally concealed. The work then lies in uncovering the hidden side, and I am not going to kid you here ... it takes brutal honesty and objectivity - easy to achieve outwardly and very difficult to do so inwardly.
A natural progression from this point leads me to the fact that invariably the truth of the matter is that perhaps I was wrong!!! Most of us will then fall off the old wagon and say - What do you mean, I was wrong? It is a fact that most of us will die for the right to be right!!!! Being right means that you can never be wrong and if you are never wrong, then you cannot correct your actions. Imagine what kind of a world this would be if none of us can take a step back, re look previous actions, correct them and move forward; wiser and better equipped for the next step.
So, here goes ... I have made a mistake with the spelling of this web address. I admit it, will attempt not to do it again and I'm ready to move on. My most dedicated teacher in this matter is my son, Ockert. He was away in Kenya for a three month project and returned home late last week. I have taken the liberty of posting a picture taken earlier today just because I can. It was taken while he sat on my desk chatting about this exact topic; how very appropriate!!
Have a splendid weekend and I'll visit again soon.
The repetitive issue that kept popping up during the last two weeks - and perhaps in my mishap as well - is the role of co-incidences in all our lives. Firstly, I don't believe in accidents. It takes incredible planning, co-ordinating, strategising, synchronising, and all other procedures to ensure that a minimum of two objects/people/incidents meet at the same place and time. I mean, let's be totally analytical about this. Co-incidence literally means that two incidents coincide. Check it out on http://www.wikipedia.org/ and decide for yourself. In our local lingo Afrikaans, it is called toevallig and when you break this word up it suggests toe (then) val (fell) lig (light). Need I say more??
I have noticed in my life - and more clearly so in the lives of those around me - that when any two incidents happen simultaneously, they are connected. The manner in which I apply this in practical terms is to take careful note of the common denominator in both occurrences and then to connect these dots. Generally both of these have me as the common denominator and with one of them being obvious, the other is normally concealed. The work then lies in uncovering the hidden side, and I am not going to kid you here ... it takes brutal honesty and objectivity - easy to achieve outwardly and very difficult to do so inwardly.
A natural progression from this point leads me to the fact that invariably the truth of the matter is that perhaps I was wrong!!! Most of us will then fall off the old wagon and say - What do you mean, I was wrong? It is a fact that most of us will die for the right to be right!!!! Being right means that you can never be wrong and if you are never wrong, then you cannot correct your actions. Imagine what kind of a world this would be if none of us can take a step back, re look previous actions, correct them and move forward; wiser and better equipped for the next step.
So, here goes ... I have made a mistake with the spelling of this web address. I admit it, will attempt not to do it again and I'm ready to move on. My most dedicated teacher in this matter is my son, Ockert. He was away in Kenya for a three month project and returned home late last week. I have taken the liberty of posting a picture taken earlier today just because I can. It was taken while he sat on my desk chatting about this exact topic; how very appropriate!!Have a splendid weekend and I'll visit again soon.
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